Lucy

Happy belated Easter all! 

Today, I decided to share a story with you that I wrote a couple weeks ago.

As you may or may not know, I am a little bit obsessed with this wicked awesome rock band called Skillet. I am their number one fan! I'm what you'd call the ultimate Panhead (yes, Skillet fans do walk around calling themselves that)!

They have a number of brilliant, beautiful songs, but a particular one that I've loved for a long time is called "Lucy". John Cooper (the love of my life), the band's main singer and composer said once that the song is in the perspective of a person who is attempting to cope with the abortion of their unborn baby. He said that the couple went to therapy and the doctor told them to name the baby, buy a tombstone for it, &ct. To treat the situation as it is: a death. So, they did.

I know, I know. It sounds very depressing. Every time I hear the song, I break out into a fit of tears!

Anyway, I decided to write a short story that goes along with it.

After the tale, I will include the lyrics, as well as a video of the song for those who have never heard it!

I hope you enjoy!


The story:

"Mommy, Mommy! Over here!"

At the sound of the small words calling out to her, the woman turned to see a pretty little girl running in her direction. Her caramel complexion, brown ringlets that bounced as she ran, and bright green eyes that sparkled like a lake on a warm spring evening complimented the wide, gap-toothed smile the wee thing sported-- which one could easily see from a mile away.

The young girl, who appeared to be no more than six, reached the woman and tugged on the sleeve of her jumper. "Mommy! You have to come! You have to come see what I found!" she insisted.

The woman couldn't help but smile down at the child-- the joy evident upon her tiny features. "Alright, alright." She followed the girl to a large lake with a dock and some rowboats. The sun was beginning to set, making the picturesque scene a once-in-a-lifetime view, with the sun's yellow and orange rays' reflection off the clear, crisp water and the rowboats gently swaying with the breeze, the water's small ripples going from a tight, compact circle and soon escalated to a great, open and free sphere. "Wow," was all the woman could manage to say, in pure of awe of the display.

"Do you like it, Mommy? Do you love it?"

The woman looked down at the sweet angel and smiled. "Yes. Yes, I do. Very much."

"Do you love me, Mommy?"

"Well, of course, I do, honey. I love you with all my heart."

The little girl smiled and reached her arms out to her mother, wanting to be picked up. Her mother fulfilled her wish and lifted her into her arms, walking over to the dock. "I'm sorry," she quietly whispered in the girl's ear, giving her one last squeeze before extending her arms and holding her out above the lake waters.

Fear splattered across the young girl's face as she pleaded with her mother, "Please don't drop me, Mommy! I thought you loved me!"

"I do love you!" she sobbed.

"Then save me, Mommy! Don't let me die!"

She sniffed, "It's too late, Lucy! I've let you down!" Against her own will, the woman's hands loosened their grip on the little girl as her tears rushed down her face. "I'm trying, but it's too late! I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!"

The little girl screamed at the top of her small lungs. Just as her small body hit the water, the woman jolted in bed at the loud scream, sopping wet.

Strong arms wrapped themselves around her petite body and she leaned into their embrace.

"Shh, it's okay, sweetheart. Shh, I've got you. Shh."

She sobbed, uncontrollably. The scream was her own, not the little girl's. She was wet because she was sweating, not from the splash the little girl made when she... when she...

She sobbed even louder, letting her tears flow off her cheeks like a powerful waterfall. She hugged her husband tighter, needing to feel the comfort and protection of his strong, muscular arms. Needing to be held, and needing to be loved. Needing him.

"It's okay, my angel. It's okay. Shh." He rubbed her back, every motion spreading ease and relaxation like a butter knife spreading peanut butter and jelly on a piece of sandwich bread.

And slowly, very slowly, the woman drifted off into a dreamless sleep, forgetting about the horrifying nightmare, for that moment.

•

She gripped the steering wheel tightly, digging her nails into the leather material. She sighed. It was that time of year again. The time when the dreams, along with the tears and regrets, rushed to her and completely overtook her as hostage, becoming her ruler.

Her husband had always been very supportive of her, holding her and giving her comfort when she needed it the most. He, and only he, knew about her past, knew about the problems that overcame her during that time of year. Knew about Lucy...

She took in a deep breath. 'Not yet, don't cry,' she told herself, 'not while you're driving.' Finally, after what seemed like hours to her, she made it to her destination.

Getting out of the car, she picked up the dozen of roses that lay in her lap and walked down a thin, rocky path that she knew by heart. The sky was charcoal grey and the area looked quite sad and gloomy. 'Well, it's what you'd expect at a cemetery.'

After a minute of walking, she stopped by a large oak tree; beside it was a small tombstone, much smaller than the rest. Dark moss began to grow along its sides, causing it to look much older than it actually was.

'Here lay the memories of Lucy,' it read. '"I wish I could go back to that day..."'

She set the roses by the tombstone and sat on the ground, staring at every inch of the cement block. "Hey, Luce, it's me again." She smiled down at the name and continued speaking, "I know I saw you a couple of months ago, but... today's the day." She sighed, "I had another dream about you, about us, what we could've been."

She looked down at the quoted words and read them out loud, "'I wish I could go back to that day...'" She looked down at the ground in front of the tombstone ashamedly. "It's true, Lucy, you know. I do wish I could go back to that day. Yes, maybe my life would've been different, but I-" she stopped as a tear sluggishly rolled out of her eye and down her cheek.

••

She was pregnant.

What would her parents say when they find out? Or better yet, what would the father say?

She sighed, trying to keep her tears from falling as she held the thin, white pregnancy test that read 'positive' in her hands.

This couldn't be happening to her. She was only twenty-two, still in her second year of university and she was single. It had only been a one-night fling with one drink leading to another, then another. She certainly hadn't even planned on ever seeing the bloke again, and here she was: pregnant, alone, and scared.

She took a deep breath. "It's okay," she told herself out loud, "Maybe I did the test wrong or something. Maybe there was just a simple mistake. I'll go see a doctor tomorrow and get this whole thing sorted out." She laughed nervously, "Ha! Pregnant?! I am definitely not pregnant!"

•

"You are pregnant."

She turned and gasped at her doctor's response. "Th-there must be some kind of mistake-"

"Nope, no mistake. You are definitely pregnant." She must've looked confused, for the doctor quickly said with a slight tip of their head, "You do know who the father is, don't you?"

She nodded her head, still trying to grasp this information. "Uh, yeah. I, uh, well it was a one-time thing, and I-"

"No need to explain, ma'am, but there are some options if keeping the baby will be a 'no'."

"My problem is being pregnant. I have classes and a number of other things on my plate that I simply will not be able to do with a big ol'stomach."

"Well," said the doctor in a kind voice, "have you considered an abortion?"

The thought never came to her, but after finding out more information, she rather liked the idea.

"Great! I will contact a gynaecologist for you, to find out when we can set up a date for the procedure."

•

Everything was fine.

She was at the top of her classes, she had a great part-time job, friends and family who cared about her. But something was missing.

It had been a year since her unplanned pregnancy and abortion, and the memory never came back up. No-one knew about what happened, not her parents or her friends, nobody. After all, the 'minor incident', in her mind, was just a simple problem that was fixed. It was nothing big.

However, from somewhere deep, deep down inside her, there was a feeling that was foreign to her, a feeling that she never felt before. At first, she ignored it, but as time flew on, it grew bigger and bigger until she couldn't take the feeling anymore.

She felt pain.

But not the kind of pain you get when you fall off your bike or accidentally run into a wall. But one that was greater, thirsty, and full of longing. One that broke her heart into a million tiny pieces. One that felt a bit like regret.

If only.

If only she wouldn't have been so blind to see what she did. If only she had used her head to think about the little life she had ended inside her. If only she wouldn't have been so careless in the first place and get pregnant. If only she had a time machine, maybe then she would have the opportunity to save a life, not kill it. If only...

••

She looked down at the little tombstone, barely able to see the outline from the blur of her tears. "Lucy," she called, looking up to heaven, "I am so, so sorry!"

Her could've-been life suddenly flashed before her eyes:

She, in a hospital bed, cradling a little baby in her arms. At a birthday party, handing the little four-year-old a box wrapped in pink polka-dot wrapping paper. In a little girl's room, sitting on the floor playing Barbies and laughing with Lucy. And even watching her daughter walk down the aisle with the man she'd call her son-in-law.

If only.

She sobbed as pleasant warmth wrapped around her, a comfort so mighty and great that she relaxed. "Lucy, one day I'll see you again, and when I do, we'll dance on the Milky Way together and sit beside each other at the breakfast table. And when I get to heaven, Luce, we'll have a long walk on the streets of gold and you can catch me up on what I missed." She sniffed lightly. "Please don't hate me. I love you, Lucy. I love you so much, baby. I'll never forget about you." She took a deep breath as she closed her eyes. "Hey, Lucy, I remember your name."


 

The song:

Hey Lucy, I remember your name
I left a dozen roses on your grave today
I'm in the grass on my knees, wipe the leaves away
I just came to talk for a while
I got some things I need to say

[Chorus:]
Now that it's over
I just wanna hold her
I'd give up all the world to see
That little piece of heaven looking back at me
Now that it's over
I just wanna hold her
I've gotta live with the choices i made
And I can't live with myself today

Hey Lucy, I remembered your birthday
They said it'd bring some closure to say your name
I know I'd do it all different if I had the chance
But all I got are these roses to give
And they can't help me make amends

[Chorus]

Here we are, now you're in my arms
I never wanted anything so bad
Here we are, for a brand new start
Living the life that we could've had

Me and Lucy walking hand in hand
Me and Lucy never wanna end
Just another moment in your eyes
I'll see you in another life
In heaven where we never say goodbye

[Chorus]

Here we are, now you're in my arms
Here we are for a brand new start
Got to live with the choices I've made
And I can't live with myself today

Me and Lucy walking hand in hand
Me and Lucy never wanna end
Got to live with the choices I've made
And I can't live with myself today

Hey Lucy, I remember your name